Relicui Mei

When Wrong Turn (2021) came out it was the wrong time. Specifically, the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic. It was supposed to have debuted in 3000 cinemas nationwide, but the fact that all the cinemas were CLOSED put a severe damper on its release. It was also not helped by the fact that it was written by the person who wrote the original Wrong Turn (2003).  The remake took a different tack from the original hillbilly cannibal film (and its FIVE sequels). A bit like the Buckner's, the Zombie Redneck Torture Family, in "Cabin in the Woods", or the characters of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre", both of which you are more like to have heard of. That's what the fans of the original film(s) were expecting of this remake.  But it wasn't what they got and so those were quite publicly vocal about their disappointment. If you can imagine such a thing.  Their loss! Because remake is very clever inversion of expectations.  It's focused on a self-sufficient commun...

I love this movie, because it's a great PG-13 movie, and don't let anyone tell you any different. Like many modern horror films (such as "Lights Out"; "Saw"; "The Jester"; "Terrifier") it's based on a previous short. The structure is a familiar one. A group of high schoolers encounter a Cursed Object (in this case, a polaroid camera) which leaves them marked for death, one by one.  Who, if anyone, will survive and how? In fact, this is pretty much the same plot as an episode of "Are You Afraid of The Dark?" and one of "Goosebumps". But, really, can't that be said of almost ANY horror plot? Where "Polaroid" distinguishes itself is the incredible APTNESS of the Scary Entity that is the threat and the "rules" of how the cursed camera works.  The polaroid isn't just some throwaway plot device (as it was in, say, "Back to the Future"); it is really IS the heart of the schtick and o...

Atmosphere. "Night Tide" is all about atmosphere.  The off-beat plot is about sailor Johnny Drake Played STRIKINGLY handsome young actor named "Dennis Hopper". who falls for a young girl who plays a fake mermaid at a pier attraction.  But is she more than just a FAKE mermaid?  If you've seen Val Lewton's "The Cat People", it will remind you of that. Sometimes the staging is almost expressionistic. The acting and interacting between the principals is impressively effective.  For such a weird topic it does a remarkable job of feeling like a real story happening to real people. And, like "Cat People" it creates an atmosphere masterfully, one which you will remember.

I guarantee you, with no doubt or hesitation, that "De Lift" (1983) is, hands-down, the finest Dutch killer-elevator film you will ever see. It is not to be confused with the 1972 German made-for-tv movie "DER Lift", which is about a ski lodge, not an elevator. Which itself is not to be confused with Robert Zemeckis's 1972 student film "The Lift", which is about an elevator, but not a killer one. Or with the 1974 made-for-television thriller "The Elevator", with Roddy McDowell, because how could it NOT have Roddy  McDowell?! Nor it is to be confused with "Down" (2001), which is the English-language remake of "De Lift", directed by... well, the same guy who directed De Lift (Dick Maas).   And no one is allowed to even THINK about "Devil" (2010). Ugh. If you do, you will get slapped in the face with a piece of jelly-bread. With the jelly FACING you. It is more absurd than ALL of those, put together.   No, this is t...

Velvet Buzzsaw is a satire of the contemporary art scene, in the form of a gory horror movie.  It's not merely unrealistic but surrealistic. When the works of a reclusive misanthropic painter are discovered are put on sale, against his posthumous wishes, they empower other artworks to take revenge on the art world types who are insincerely capitalizing on the late artist's tragedy. Rhetorical question: has Toni Collette ever played anyone nice or even just... normal? It's got high production values and a stacked cast (Jake Gyllenhaal, Rene Russo, Toni Collette, John Malkovitch, Tom Sturridge, Daveed Diggs). It even has one of my favorite pieces: "Death of a Mauve Bat" (1967). The kills are bizarre and imaginative and delightfully ironic (as are the victims).  All good art is dangerous, it seems to say, so be careful when treating it simply as a commodity. It's a film with no villains... but no heroes, either.   So thought it was too campy to be scary and too s...

Like yesterday's film, The Last Matinee (2020)  is a movie-lover's movie, set in a South American cinema, whose workers and customers are being stalked by a psychokiller with a very particular and unpalatable obsession. I love that tagline. This film deserves all the eyes on it that it can gather. It's in Spanish (available with English subtitles), but shot very much in the style of an Italian giallo film, although structurally it is very much an '80s-style slasher.  There is zero motivation or dimension to the killer; he's just a Cinematic Psychokiller and the plot is simply about who escapes him and how.   It would make a fine opera. But the film is beautifully stylish and -- unlike genuine giallos -- has a clear, if simple, plot.  It also has one of the greatest foreshadowings / callbacks I have ever seen in a film. I was so delighted when it finally paid off that I stood up in my own home and slow clapped. It's gory, it's simple, it's memorable.  It...

If you are reading this, you probably like horror movies. But not as much as Eric Binford, Dennis Christopher's character in Fade to Black (1980). Binford is yer classic cinematic Lonely Loser, who works for a film supply company and loses himself in the cinema.  He fantasizes being one of the tough guys he sees on the big screen and eventually DOES, adopting their identities in order to take revenge on those who have wronged him. The film is an interesting conceit, but it's Dennis Christopher's acting that takes it to the next level.  The movie wavers between being a fun slasher romp and a serious psychological drama. Some people think that dooms the film but I personally think that's part of what makes it special.  Although most Bullied Loners in film are designed for us to empathize with, the fact is Eric is kind of a jerk, which makes for a different viewing experience.  Cleverly, the film makes no distinction between cinematic monsters, heroes, and villains, sho...

My ultimate "comfort horror' film! Now, that's not to say that is comfortable .  In fact it's got two of the most unpleasant scenes I've ever seen in a film (one is a person being burned alive and the one is an injury-to-the-eye motif; no, it is THE injury-to-the-eye motif).   Straight from an old horror comic book cover! It is RICH in atmosphere and character.  Neither of them very cheery. Something is off in coastal town Potter's Bluff and Sheriff Dan is determined to figure out what it is.  Eventually, he does. His principal antagonist in his endeavors is the local mortician (and coroner, since it's a small town), Mr. Dobbs, a very nostalgic fellow portrayed brilliantly by Jack Albertson in his final film role. I guarantee you will never think of him as "Grandpa Joe" ever again. Admittedly, it ... doesn't make a lot of sense.  Just let it go and enjoy the creepy.  In a certain way, not making perfect sense makes it re-watchable, because you...

It's the most famous poster for a movie you've never seen and nobody you KNOW has ever seen Exactly as it says on the tin, Popcorn (1991) is a popcorn movie.  It was not well-received when released because, well, it's bat-shit crazy. There's a film student who just may be the daughter of deceased, insane film-maker;  Pictured: insane filmmaker. there's her motley crew of classmates, trying to put on a horror film festival; Any one of whom could have had their own film. there's horror royalty Dee Wallace; Because of course there is. there's the lore of a Cursed Film; Don't ask about the hat. there's a master-of-disguise killer picking off theater-goers and film students; They look better once they cool off. there's giant props and William Castle-style gimmicks galore; You just know one of those characters is named "Skeeter". there's films WITHIN the film, each of them gold in themselves: Since they are spot on parodies of particular...

Pontypool changes everything. Pontypool is a wintry, claustrophobic, Canadian... well, I will call it a "zombie" film, although the nature of the zombifying agent is... unique. Extremely unusual, in fact, and that makes Pontypool a much more thoughtful film than most. That alone would make Pontypool a worthwhile watch, but the stage play-like setting, the odd and powerful performances of the principals and their small but quirky cast of supporting characters. Pouring one out for you, Ken in your Sunshine Chopper. I wouldn't leave my kids with you, but nobody should have to go the way you did. Zombie flicks are often gore fests, but that is not the case with Pontypool , which has virtually NO on-screen gore or violence. In the immortal words of Nikos The Impaler's Brunette Cop: "I hate that violent sh*t!" Pontypool is an intellectual, conceptual film. Does it fully succeed on that level? I'm not sure; but the attempt is a valiant and high memorable o...

The Innkeepers (2011) is one of my favorite movies.  It's by Ti West, who has done some better known horror movies since then. Not a lot happens.  There is some mild comedy, but nothing knee-slapping.  Because markets (and often audiences) do not like art that does not fit neatly into prescribed categories, this poster makes it seem like a wacky buddy comedy. It's not. There are definitely some ... stressful shocks, but I wouldn't call it a particularly scary movie either.   This poster makes it seem unbearably terrifying. It's not. It's short. The stakes are low, with two workers at an inn trying to get some evidence of its supposedly haunted nature before the hotel closes for good, which is happening very soon. As I said, not a lot happens. And that's why this is one of my favorite movies. That is the POINT of the movie.  It's the movie I always show people who say "Oh, no, I can't watch horror movies!" to show them that there are more types...

You know what's even better than a low-budget Ozploitation flick about a telekinetic coma patient? THE OVER-THE-TOP REMAKE! Patrick: Evil Awakens (2013) is one of the best, most respectful horror remakes of all time. So eager to respect the original were its creators that they basically gave ANYBODY who'd been in the original even for a moment the opportunity to be in the remake as an extra.   While the original is set is a dumpy old facility, the remake is set in a SCARY GOTHC facility. Really. The hospital is an entire additional character and a very welcome one. The Doctor is 100 times more eccentric. The Head Nurse 10 times as icy.   Those who are late do NOT get fruit cup. The nurse is 10 times more Righteously Determined and Patrick is 10 times more threatening since nowadays everything is controlled by exactly the kind of electronics his powers (seem like they) could plausibly affect. If you want to see how a FUN and RESPECTFUL horror remake can be done (which, by the w...

1970s horror movies are a breed apart.  The era of radioactive giant animals had ended  With some notable exceptions, of course. and the horror industry was just making it up as they went along.  Supernaturalism and satanism were favored topics, but Just Plain Weirdness like cryptids, Italian dwarves in raincoats, and Margot Kidder roamed the cinematic plains. One of the creatures didn't roam at all, however. That creature was  Patrick (1978) Patrick is a coma-patient who is more aware than his caretakers realize and who has psychokinesis and MINDPOWERS.  Patrick is also... well, being immobile would make anyone crabby, but that aside, Patrick is not a nice person.  He's a bit, let's say "possessive", and that's how he wound up in a coma in the first place. He's stuck in a slummy/crummy hospital, where the staff isn't very sympathetic (but it's kind of hard to blame them).  The Main Doctor is trying to electroshock Patrick out of his coma; Patrick...

There are about 10,000 films where The Young Creative goes to a Secluded Cabin so they can work on their Artistic Project in solitude. But the one you want to see is  Hush (2016). Now, the set-up is not unlike a play I saw once called "Wait Until Dark". But in that play the woman is blind and she is in NYC, threatened by criminals.  In this film, the protagonist is deaf/mute, in the middle of nowhere, and threatened by a masked psychokiller. Crash Test Dummy of Doom. I guess, all crash test dummies are "of doom", by definition, aren't they? Actually, he abandons his mask almost immediately, which is a wonderful change of pace.  He decides he doesn't need it frighten this "Disabled Woman" and becomes, well, just a vicious, smarmy ****, rather than An Implacable Masked Foe. It's delightfully realistic. The film contains only 15 minutes of dialog, which is great, because some horror movies are REALLY talky.   The protagonist is smart and tough...

  Ghost Story (1981) is the perfect "comfort horror." Almost no one is ever in any danger, other than four guys who probably aren't going to live another four years anyway. Alice Krige is krige-creeping ALL over the screen. It's got one of the most powerful ensemble of venerable male actors you could imagine: Fred Astaire, John Houseman, Melvyn Douglas, and Douglas Fairbanks Jr. (and was the final theatrical feature film for those last three). These are not your usual group of Stupid Youngsters who can be lured into a deathtrap by a fake Dick Dastardly sign. It doesn't make TOO much sense, but ... it's a ghost story, exactly like it says on the tin. It's a story of a vengeful ghost and if her methods and priorities and powers don't make sense to you, well, you're ALIVE, so they wouldn't. Despite special effects of what I will kindly call "varying quality", it's a perfect horror movie to cozy on the couch for.  For good or for ill,...

 The Witch in the Window (2018) is an intimate little horror film. There are no severed heads, no plunging daggers.  It's mostly a sad story of a man who feels he's failed as a person, a husband, a father, and his attempt to fix that. By fixing an old house for resale with his son. He picks the wrong time and place, however. Not all haunted houses are large Victorian mansions, you know. There is one scene that is ... VERY chilling, indeed.  Despite all the many terrifying scenes I have seen in horror movies, this is one that truly haunts me; "omg, what would I do if I were he at that moment?"  I think you'll know it when you see it. But the overall effect of the film isn't so much terror, as it is the sad feeling of inevitability you get from a Greek play.  Horror films can make you feel lots of things, not just scared, and so I recommend this one.

Horror lends itself naturally to anthological format. Horror comics being a perfect example. It makes sense; horror is easier to pull off in short form than in long form due to its need to maintain suspense and build terror.  So there is no shortage of horror anthology films. But there is one every Real Horror Fan knows:   Trick 'r Treat  (2007) It's hard to articulate exactly why.  It's not the scariest, nor the funniest. But it has two things going for it. First, Sam Hain, an adorable but deadly Halloween mascot. He's just trying to safeguard traditions. Second, the fact that, unlike many such films, the segments are all presented as if they were happening in the same town at the same time, and each has little hints of the OTHER ones going on in the background.  The effect is very satisfying and will remind you of "Mystery Train" (1989), if you've seen "Mystery Train". And, if you haven't seen "Mystery Train', why HAVEN'T you s...